I try to sit in silence to think and contemplate life. The busy road outside interrupts my thoughts, as well as the noisy teenagers upstairs. I just finished watching a show called Jury Duty. It is a reality tv show where all the people play a part except for one person who has no idea what is happening until the reveal day. This is so true in the life of a true believer when their spiritual eyes are opened for the first time and life changes. This becomes the turning point in any person's life who comes to believe that Jesus Christ is who he said he is. My tense is not mistaken because he lives in the heavens at the Father's right hand. This turning point is the absolute revelation of knowledge that the one True God actually exists, and then ultimately, he reveals himself to us in a very personal way. Our journeys are very different but with the same denominator of God almighty who was, is, and is to come. The heart is what God seeks, and it can be difficult to tame it. That is why we need Jesus because he is the only perfect being who was able to walk this world without sin so that we can be redeemed on judgment day. I ponder over events of history, mankind, and eternity to maturity. I am fragile in a variety of ways, but I have the knowledge and understanding of Christ, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit. They are One God in perfect harmony, of which they complement each other so well they are One in essence. I am sure if I had studied Greek I could have come up with a better description of what that means; however, I completely understand this concept. The word Trinity is not in the bible, but it is the best way to describe their relationship with one another before what we understand time to be. I am so in love with the One True God of the Bible because it has reached the deepest recesses of my heart, to which I find my baseline identity. God Almighty can only fill that emptiness we feel. I have tried to fill it myself with pornography and alcohol. Only God fills it, and it is blossoming to more profound levels that echo through my very being. I love the concept of a Triune God who is not only Perfect but also to the point they are witnesses to each other without limitations. God is timeless, spaceless, and eternal, and having each entity so interwoven through eternity sets a parameter of completeness that enforces His Sovereignty.
I have had struggles all my life that I couldn’t explain, but they have made a path for me to become the man I am today. Without my trials and tribulations, I may have still been in bondage to Satan, who wants nothing more than to create an environment that points the finger at God in accusations. What even strikes me in clarity is that God knows my heart before I know it. God gets the glory on his terms but allows us, in our free will to measure of that glory. Words get stuck in my head, and they don’t leave, for instance. Love, obedience, holy, eternal, kingdom of God, measure. These are words that play over and over to the point that I can not contain them. I need to talk about this stuff or write it down in the Hope that it may find its way to others that need to hear exactly what I am writing. I am sure that someone will find these words different to the ears or the hearts of the reader. Just because you understand something intellectually doesn’t mean you will understand the heart lesson. God gets glory in countless ways. An unbeliever will react in different ways depending on where they are on their journey. God wishes for all to come and know him; this is in scripture. Seeds are planted, watered, and harvested through orchestrated events, circumstances, or divine revelations. To be in the will of God is nothing more than to be willing to be used by God and, at the same time, reflect on His Word that pinpoints our shortcomings. We can react in rage, or we can put on humility to the point of servitude. This is how the Lord God revealed himself to me. I opened my heart up to an attitude of thankfulness and servitude. I knew there was something more to life than the bondage that drove my thinking for so long. When that moment happened is when my life changed. I was alive because I chose Jesus as my Savior and believed him to be the Son of God who died and picked his life up on the third day—being the first resurrected body that will return for his chosen one day. It didn’t take long for Satan to attack my identity and belief because he no longer had power over me. It was liberating, but the amount of hunger for the Word of God overwhelmed me. I find true joy in searching His Word because it is precisely that, His Word is given to us so that we may have life and have it abundantly. I am just now understanding even more things, and it is beautiful.